My weight dipped down to below 155 pounds. Then back up to 158. Unrepentant diarrhea and puking has set in and I'm not eating. Of course I suspect poisoning but the banal reality is I'm probably just reacting to one of the meds I'm already on. By the end of the week I will be below 70kgs.
What are the consequences of secrets is my question - not a secret or a specific set of secrets but what are the consequences of a career in secrets and lies to harvest information. With all the things that are seen by these Agents when things go tits up - what is the effect of that on an individual. Just because you can see the carnage and consequence what does it mean when something less bloody happened. Say a broken heart or in my case a broken life. Well at least I didn't end up in a dumpster. To which I'd add - the day isn't over... (as the character Lana from the TV Show Archer often says).
I'm not sure unrepentant diarrhea is much better of a fate than another body discarded in a dumpster. And perhaps in some way I do have a broken heart and I don't want to admit it. To be groomed and set up for something that never made sense nor that came into the focus of my understanding to then be abandoned after coming to the conclusion that I'd do anything for these guys. There is something of broken heart within this broken life. The only thing I have left are these words. The memories are trickster at best. There are not conversations with these types anymore. No answers to these calls herein contained. No fuel for the fires of imagination. Just a broken life and a broken heart and a wasting disease.
No comments:
Post a Comment